I totally told my brother I was transgender and transitioning today. I’ve been hiding it from people for so long! That includes my family, yes, and everyone who knew me… I’ve been denying this my whole life, and I put on fake personas to pretend, and be what other people expected me to be, and I just want to be me now.

I knew it’d be hard, so I wrote out these sentences on my computer, and just had to get those points out, and stared at them all day long on one monitor.

i’m transgender, and i have been all my life
hiding it and denying it has ruined my life
i’m going to transition over the next few years
if that’s too weird i’ll move

Those were the things I knew I had to tell him, so today just as we were meeting in the kitchen to grab dinner, I dumped it all on him, really quickly, before I could double-think it or chicken out.

It went really well. I figured my brother would accept me, he’s always been really good for me, but there’s limits to everyone’s limits when it comes to my craziness!

He told me some his friends were trans, and he had no problems with it, and that of course I wouldn’t have to move, and that he loved me.

I told him I loved him too, and then I could feel that I was about to start crying, so I had to tell him I had to run away, anxiety was making it too hard, but to come see me or text me if he had questions, and then I did ran away.

And then I cried a little in my room, I don’t remember if my brother and I ever said that we loved each other before, probably not as adults, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

My hands are still shaking from the anxiety, and tears are running down my cheeks, but I wanted to get this written down while it was still raw and faded from my memory.

I still kind of doubt I’ll ever actually pull this off, I figured I’d die trying… but this gave me Hope… better to die trying than live a lie, time to take off all the masks…

Love, Always,

SinSeer